Categories
Communication Family Relationships

Letter to my mother

Hi Mommy,

How are you? Are you warm enough with the clothes we sent you? Daddy sent more money today for you and Susan. I hope you have enough, and that you are happy.

I have thought a lot about you over the past seven years. I never thought that we had much in common. Then I remembered that you left your mother in China when you were young. You did not have her to talk to when you got married, or had babies, or had problems with Daddy. It’s too late for me to have a baby, but I don’t have you to talk to for all that other “woman” stuff that you were going to tell me about after I got married. I don’t have my mommy for my adult life, just like you didn’t.

It was very brave of you to leave your home and your country to come to the United States, not knowing what the future held for you. I never thought about that while you were alive. I realize now that I did not get my courage and determination from Daddy. It came from you.

I miss you.

Love,
Eva

Categories
Communication Long Distance Relationship

What makes a couple?

Aaron and I have been together for almost three years. In that time, we have been on ONE date. We went to a Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert, which was fantastic by the way. You’ve gotta see them if you ever get the chance.

So what have we been doing all that time? We built two online membership programs and other miscellaneous web sites. We networked with other budding Internet entrepreneurs. We dreamed about the future when we would have the time and the money to do whatever we wanted to do.

To work toward that future, Aaron took a job that forces us to be in a long-distance relationship. He has since come to the conclusion that we really don’t know each other. I cried when he told me that. I got scared. I thought he was going to leave me. Then I got angry. I thought we were on the same page, and now he wants to close the book altogether? Where was his sense of commitment? Now, I have to agree with him. We never did the work of becoming a couple, and now we have to figure out how to do that long-distance.

It’s my fault that we skipped over the getting-to-know-each-other phase. We met online in business, we partnered together for business, and I just got enamoured with building a future together. I learned things about Aaron that made me believe that he would be an ideal life partner for me. We share the same values. We have the same work ethic. And he loves me. What else do I need? During all this time, I thought I was meeting all of his needs, but I wasn’t. I jumped right into the building-a-life thing, and forgot about the courtship.

I count my lucky stars that Aaron is willing to see if we can become a couple in the true sense. Doing that long distance is going to be tricky. He could easily have said forget it, it’s not worth the hassle, but he didn’t.

Thank you, Aaron.

Categories
Communication Family Relationships Forgiveness Self-development

Forgiveness

During one of my rare father-daughter moments with my dad, he asked me why my sisters and I were upset about him adopting an adult son in China. I told him that all us girls thought that he had gotten over not having a biological son, so when he told us about the adoption, we were hurt that we were not enough for him. He looked quite puzzled. Then he explained how he needed a “son” in China to take of family that was left there. It had nothing to do with us girls. He didn’t mean to hurt our feelings. But there was no apology for hurting our feelings. Basically, he didn’t mean it that way, so we shouldn’t take it that way.

Over the years, I’ve come to decide that it was his way of asking for forgiveness. I mean, he isn’t about to apologize, so I better stop expecting it to happen. It has taken me a long time to understand forgiveness as something I do for myself. When I forgive someone, I am no longer going to expect anything to make up for whatever hurt I experienced. I don’t feel like anything is owed to me anymore. What’s done is done, now it is over, we can move forward from this point on. That does NOT mean, however, that I forget what happened. Forgive and forget? That is for doormats. Forgiving releases me from heartache. Forgetting just gives license to others to abuse me repeatedly.

So I forgive my father when he hurts my feelings. That’s how we continue to get along. But I never forget, because how else am I going to learn how I want to be treated by a man?

Categories
Communication Long Distance Relationship

“I believe in you and me … “

Overheard while grocery shopping today:

Whitney Houston: I Believe in You and Me

I believe in you and me
I believe that we will be
In love eternally
Well as far as I can see
You will always be the one for me
Oh yes you will
And I believe in dreams again
I believe that love will never end
And like the river finds the sea
I was lost, now I’m free
Cos I believe in you and me
I will never leave your side
I will never hurt your pride
When all the chips are down
See I will always be around
Just to be right where you are
My love, you know I love you
I will never leave you out
I will always let you in
To places no one’s ever been
Deep inside, can’t you see
That I believe in you and me
Maybe I’m a fool
To feel the way I do
But I will play the fool forever
Just to be with you forever
I believe in miracles
And love’s a miracle
Baby you’re my dream come true
I was lost, now I’m free
I believe in you and me
See I was lost, now I’m free
cause I believe in you and me.

Categories
Communication Long Distance Relationship

I’ve got to say it …

When I was an aerobics instructor, I used this song as a “cool down.” The melody is soothing, and I always thought the lyrics were a beautiful sentiment. Now, I need to convey this message to someone who means so very much to me.

For you, Aaron.

Title: Richard Marx – Right Here Waiting

Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn’t stop the pain

If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all the times
That I though would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can’t get near you now

Oh, can’t you see it baby
You’ve got me goin’ CrAzY

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I’m with you
I’ll take the chance

Oh, can’t you see it baby
You’ve got me goin’ cRaZy

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

Categories
Communication Family Relationships

A Man’s Apology

(published with permission from the author)

A Man’s Apology
Aaron C. Peavy

So many years have gone by,
Lost, burnt, utterly destroyed.
Through all of the arguments
With half of a mind I toyed.
As I look back over the years,
My fogged and hazy brain clears,
I see life without the tears.
Hard for me to view my wrongs,
To say you might have been right.
Not my ego in the way,
But the reasons for the fight.
I’ve hated from an ideal,
From a thought of life unreal;
Dignity, from you I steal.
A childhood with a promise
Thought from you I was denied.
Away from you I set out,
I never saw how you cried.
You repaired bridges burned,
From me your heart never turned,
A reward I never earned.
Finally now I am grown,
Can understand my desired:
From a long havoc wreaked past,
A friendship which never tires.
Apology I do rend,
Waiting long before I send,
Guarantee it’s not a trend.
Over ups and downs of life,
A foundation you did lay.
Solid ground upon to stand,
Debt to you I can’t repay.

Categories
Communication Medications Prescription Drug Advertising

“Ask your doctor if [insert drug name here] is right for you”

I REALLY HATE television ads for prescription drugs. Not only do they undermind the doctor-patient relationship (if such a thing still exists under managed health care), but they mislead the public into thinking that they can demand whatever medication that they think they need. These ads can open communication between doctors and their patients, but please, what man is going to ask his doctor if he is healthy enough for sexual activity? I’m not saying that people should not blindly accept whatever drug is prescribed for them. If you don’t know why you are taking something, ASK!

This blog entry explains my feelings about prescription drug ads much better than I can. I get too worked up emotionally to be coherent sometimes.

Categories
Communication

Do you communicate like a man or a woman?

Okay, let’s see how many of my online friends fall over laughing over this result.

You Communicate Like a Woman

You empathize, talk things out, and express your emotions freely.
You’re a good listener, and you’re non-judgmental with your advice.
Communication is how you connect with people.
You’re always up for a long talk, no matter how difficult the subject matter is.
Do You Communicate Like a Man or a Woman?
Categories
Communication Personality Traits

What kind of blogger are you?

You Are a Life Blogger!

Your blog is the story of your life – a living diary.
If it happens, you blog it. And you make it as entertaining as possible.
What Kind of Blogger Are You?
Categories
Communication Domestic Violence

Never, ever again

I did the most irrational, idiotic, nonsensical, thing today. Please learn from my mistake.

My partner always tells me to “bat him upside the head” when he needs it. Well, at 5 am this morning, I decided that sounded like a really good idea. So I walked up behind him and popped him on the back of the head. He never saw it coming. If that wasn’t bad enough, when he asked me why I did it, I simply stared at him like he was stupid for not knowing, and then walked away.

Why did I do it? It doesn’t matter. Nothing he could do would ever justify me putting my hands on him in that manner. Violence within a relationship is never called for.

Communication is the most important thing to have in a relationship, and I let that break down. I chose to keep some feelings to myself until I erupted. That was wrong. I have no reason to keep anything to myself. This relationship is the most open, honest relationship that I have ever had. We have had the most incredible conversations that I never dreamed that I would have with anybody. I can tell him anything. What the hell is wrong with me?

I will spend the rest of my life making it up to him … if he will let me. I mean, if he ever hit me, I’d pack my bags and leave without a second thought.

Domestic violence is NEVER called for, no matter who is the perpetrator.