Categories
Communication Long Distance Relationship

What makes a couple?

Aaron and I have been together for almost three years. In that time, we have been on ONE date. We went to a Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert, which was fantastic by the way. You’ve gotta see them if you ever get the chance.

So what have we been doing all that time? We built two online membership programs and other miscellaneous web sites. We networked with other budding Internet entrepreneurs. We dreamed about the future when we would have the time and the money to do whatever we wanted to do.

To work toward that future, Aaron took a job that forces us to be in a long-distance relationship. He has since come to the conclusion that we really don’t know each other. I cried when he told me that. I got scared. I thought he was going to leave me. Then I got angry. I thought we were on the same page, and now he wants to close the book altogether? Where was his sense of commitment? Now, I have to agree with him. We never did the work of becoming a couple, and now we have to figure out how to do that long-distance.

It’s my fault that we skipped over the getting-to-know-each-other phase. We met online in business, we partnered together for business, and I just got enamoured with building a future together. I learned things about Aaron that made me believe that he would be an ideal life partner for me. We share the same values. We have the same work ethic. And he loves me. What else do I need? During all this time, I thought I was meeting all of his needs, but I wasn’t. I jumped right into the building-a-life thing, and forgot about the courtship.

I count my lucky stars that Aaron is willing to see if we can become a couple in the true sense. Doing that long distance is going to be tricky. He could easily have said forget it, it’s not worth the hassle, but he didn’t.

Thank you, Aaron.

Categories
Codependence Long Distance Relationship Personality Traits

Co-pilot or codependent?

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote Aaron an email message that declared my love for him, saying how much I want to be his partner, his lover, and his friend. I thought that I had expressed myself well, and I was quite pleased with myself.

Last week, it occurred to me that I have always believed that I am worthless unless I can do something for someone. I don’t know why anyone would want me around unless I can do something useful. That pretty much defines a codependent personality.

That not a good thing.

How do you define the “forever after kind of love”? What makes for a good life partnership? The romantic ideal is to pair off with someone that you can depend on through thick and thin. How do you keep the relationship within the realm of healthy interdependence as opposed to dysfunctional codependence? I want to be with someone that I know will be there when I need him. But I don’t want him to feel totally responsible for my well being. I can stand on my own two feet. At least, I like to think that I can. I mean, I’m 42 years old and never been married. That means that I am independent, right? The fact that no one has ever actually proposed marriage to me doesn’t necessarily mean anything, right?

So, what did I really mean in that message to Aaron? Am I simply being insecure, or am I trying to rope him into a dysfunctional relationship? Do I want to be his equal partner in life, or do I want to make him completely dependent on me? Or worse yet, make him feel like I am totally dependent on him? Do I want to share his life, or smother it? Do I even know the difference?

Categories
Communication Long Distance Relationship

“I believe in you and me … “

Overheard while grocery shopping today:

Whitney Houston: I Believe in You and Me

I believe in you and me
I believe that we will be
In love eternally
Well as far as I can see
You will always be the one for me
Oh yes you will
And I believe in dreams again
I believe that love will never end
And like the river finds the sea
I was lost, now I’m free
Cos I believe in you and me
I will never leave your side
I will never hurt your pride
When all the chips are down
See I will always be around
Just to be right where you are
My love, you know I love you
I will never leave you out
I will always let you in
To places no one’s ever been
Deep inside, can’t you see
That I believe in you and me
Maybe I’m a fool
To feel the way I do
But I will play the fool forever
Just to be with you forever
I believe in miracles
And love’s a miracle
Baby you’re my dream come true
I was lost, now I’m free
I believe in you and me
See I was lost, now I’m free
cause I believe in you and me.

Categories
Communication Long Distance Relationship

I’ve got to say it …

When I was an aerobics instructor, I used this song as a “cool down.” The melody is soothing, and I always thought the lyrics were a beautiful sentiment. Now, I need to convey this message to someone who means so very much to me.

For you, Aaron.

Title: Richard Marx – Right Here Waiting

Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn’t stop the pain

If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all the times
That I though would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can’t get near you now

Oh, can’t you see it baby
You’ve got me goin’ CrAzY

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I’m with you
I’ll take the chance

Oh, can’t you see it baby
You’ve got me goin’ cRaZy

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you