Family Relationships

Daddy forgot my birthday

Okay, I know. I’m 40 years old. It shouldn’t matter to me whether my dad remembers my birthday. He was bad with birthdays when I was growing up, but he always remembered mine because it’s two days before his wedding anniversary. I was actually due to be born on my parents’ wedding anniversary. It’s not like he ever made a huge deal of my birthday. He never even calls me. I have to call him. I would call home for my parents’ anniversary. Then my mom died in 2002. And my dad doesn’t mention my birthday anymore.

I miss my mom.

Medications Mental Health Resources

The high cost of medications

I saw my therapist yesterday. I’m in a bind with medications, and he is trying to help me as best he can. It’s not his fault that I have no health insurance and can’t afford the medications that I need. Anyway, he filled out the paperwork to get meds from the drug company, but I have to wait for the paperwork to be processed. In the meantime, he managed to scrounge up two weeks worth of sample meds for me. I doubt that the paperwork will be processed that quickly, but what else can I do? My shrink is medical director of a state psychiatric hospital during the day. He sees patients two nights a week at a clinic. The clinic patients have insurance so they don’t need sample meds. When I was in residency training, the drug company representatives left us samples all the time. Resident doctors see a different population of patients. The poor ones. Of course, without insurance, no one can afford medication nowadays.

Need help with the high cost of medications? Drug companies have programs for some medications (not just psychiatric meds). Start looking here to find out more:


Happy Birthday to me

I am 40 years old today.

My peers and cohorts are parents, physicians, homeowners, academicians. I am none of these. Thinking about that fact used to really bother me. Now I just don’t much care.

Clinical Depression Therapy


I have made much progress in the past six months. My life has changed dramatically. I am getting back to where I was before, much more willing to speak my mind. That used to get me into trouble. And it is probably going to do it again.

I have not learned how to handle confrontation. I have not learned how to contain my emotions and think rationally. I am working on holding my tongue, but I am afraid that I will end up having to just cut it out altogether again.

And the thoughts of death have returned. My death is my solution to everything. If the peanut butter runs out, I must die. Simple as that.

I take my medications daily as prescribed. There have been no changes in them for several months. Medications can do only so much.

Over the past several months, my weekly psychotherapy sessions have dwindled to monthly hour-long med checks, mainly due to changes that I have made in my life. I am now a semi-permanent guest at my boyfriend’s house who happens to live three states away from my mailing address. I drive 200 miles to see my therapist now. My therapist is actually happy for me and accommodates me, as he has for years now. Thing is, my therapist and I both believed that I had found another safe place where I could express myself. My boyfriend told me the other day that he has to read my blog to find out what’s going on with me. So it seems that I am back to square one.

New Year’s Resolution, once again, Physician Heal Thyself.

ADHD Clinical Depression Therapy

Looking back

This being the time of year when people typically review and reminisce, I thought I would post my very first blog entry here. The original date of posting was May 31, 2005. It is in my first blog, PsychPatient, MD which you may read at here.

Who do I think I am?!

I am a psychiatric patient. Never thought I would be broadcasting that over the Internet. I have been diagnosed with depression and adult ADHD. I take medication daily. I go to individual psychotherapy sessions once a week.

I also have a PhD in pharmacology. And I graduated from medical school and completed two of the four years required post-graduate training for a specialty in psychiatry. But I don’t have a license to practice medicine. This blog is not intended to give medical advice. Information supplied here is solely my own personal opinion.

I want to break a stereotype. I am not an uneducated homeless person wandering the streets muttering to myself or screaming at the top of my lungs at inanimate objects. I am an internet marketing consultant, leading a quiet life in a studio apartment in NYC. Although I do not fit the commonly held stereotype, neither am I a rarity among psychiatric patients.

This blog is my forum to express my personal opinions on mental health issues. I am firmly committed to mental health advocacy. I want to lend support and encouragement to fellow psychiatric patients. I hope to supply a unique perspective on mental health care that is colored by my experiences both as a patient and as a clinician. Comments are always welcome.

Again, this blog is not meant to substitute for professional advice from a licensed clinician.

Much has changed since May 2005, but I am still under psychiatric care albeit less intensive. I hope to go back to medicine one day. For now, I am working on the internet trying to regain my bearings, my composure, and my self confidence.


In the beginning

In the beginning, there were blogs. And I did not want a blog. I thought no one would want to read what I wanted to say.

There was an online program, and being a good little member/follower, I started a blog just as I was told to do. For back then, I did what I was told to do.

The blog was read by many. I was very happy about that. But only members of that program could leave comments. I did not like that. Members were instructed to promote a certain program. I REALLY did not like that.

Suddenly, I sprouted wings and began to fly. I saw many wondrous things in the world. And I wanted more.

I met Mike Filsaime at a conference. He recommended as a good place for a blog. I thought about it, for by then I had learned to think about things, and went to check it out. I could write about what I wanted. I could host the blog wherever I wanted. I did not have to pay a fee. And ANYBODY could post comments! is the new home for my blog. And all is good again.

Clinical Depression

Some Background

I was a teenaged runaway. I ran away from life and disappeared into a dark hole named depression. It was not diagnosed until I was well into my 20s. I just thought that life sucked for everyone. I used to think that everybody thought that they would be better off dead. Somebody had to tell me that it was abnormal to think that way.

I hid in academics. I have more letters after my name than I do within my name. I graduated from medical school and completed a couple of years of psychiatry residency, but I lost my slot in the program three years ago, mainly due to depression.

Now, I am staring down my 40th birthday, and am just as lost as I was when I was a teen.

For more about me, check out PsychPatient, MD: The Blog.

Blog News

My New Home…maybe

Hello Folks.

I am thinking of moving my blog. I want to try out this format. If you want to see what this blog is about, check out