I am medication free now. I made it through Effexor withdrawal. No more splitting headaches. No more sudden nausea. No more making myself seasick by turning my head too fast. I even survived a 49-hour cross country road trip without getting carsick. And I’m back to my constipated self.
But I cry at the drop of a hat. Some mornings, I wake up petrified. I don’t want to open my eyes or crawl out from under the covers. For awhile I was afraid to go to sleep because I so dreaded that feeling of terror that I knew would overwhelm me as soon as I woke up. I don’t want to see old friends because I can’t explain all the dumb decisions I’ve made over the past 10 years. Everybody has gotten married, had kids, have great jobs. To hit them with what I’ve been up to would be cruel and unusual punishment. And meeting new people? Forget that. I am not worth getting to know.
Now I remember why I was started on medications 15 years ago. Depression has invaded my persona again. I need new coping skills.