I oughta be committed

Commitment. The “C” word. It strikes fear into the hearts of men and women alike. Why?

It brings to mind a sort of finality. Something permanent. Closes the door on other opportunities. Loss of independence.

I think it is really a fear of responsibility.

What’s so bad about having someone care whether or not you are safe? I think it would be kinda nice to come home to someone who is fully expecting me to come home. It would be nice to have a place to call “home.”

I unofficially live with my boyfriend, who lives with his parents. A strange situation, to say the least. I’m kinda like that stray cat that shows up on your doorstep and never leaves. Anyway, last night I told my boyfriend that even though I have some problems with staying in his parents’ home, I have chosen to be there because I want to be with him. I have been wanting to tell him that for days now.

I think I have committed myself without using the C word.

Clinical Depression

Depression as a mental illness

I bet you know somebody that whenever her name comes up in conversation, someone will undoubtedly say, “She’s off in her own little world.” Since being off in “your own little world” implies not being in this one, the “real” one, does that not suggest being out of touch with reality? Isn’t being out of touch with reality the definition of psychosis?

I am at a point now where I can look back at when I was severely depressed and see how flawed my thinking was at the time. My world was black and white. More black than white. My view of the world was very dark. Everybody was against me. Nobody believed a word I said. Nothing I did would ever improve things. The world would be better off without me in it. I had to have driven my therapist nuts! His attempts at logic hardly made a dent in my thinking.

I got better. How I am not sure. Psychosis was never mentioned to me. I never took an anti-psychotic medication. I stayed on my antidepressants and kept going to therapy. Now, instead of laying in bed at home watching CourtTV, I am working on building a solid income through internet promotions.

I guess I am writing this because one of my pet peeves is people believing that depression is not a mental illness, but rather a character flaw. Depression means low mood, and everybody has moods. Not everybody gets psychiatric treatment. Not everybody needs psychiatric treatment. When you feel bad, yes you can do things to feel better. But when doing those things to make you feel better don’t work anymore, it’s time to think about seeking some help.