Categories
Family Relationships

Family Binds

It seems all adults swear never to repeat the mistakes of their parents. Well, I did repeat the mistake of my father, and I don’t even have kids.

My dad declares with a straight face that he never plays favorites with us kids, yet it is very plain that I am his favorite. That has bred a lot of resentment which my dad seems totally oblivious to. I never wanted the next generation to experience that kind of environment, but I guess it’s true that, without a good example to follow, we are doomed to repeat the mistakes of our parents.

I have two nephews and a niece. I have a very unique relationship with one of my nephews. Is that playing favorites? I don’t think so, but it doesn’t look that way to the outside world, particularly to my niece and other nephew. Now I have perpetuated what my father did to my generation of the family. And I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know if I can.

Categories
Personality Traits

Revelation8.11.2006

I am not a very nice person. Anybody who has met me in person is probably saying, “It’s about time you figured that out!” I have always known it. I am just now admitting it to myself.

I am standoffish, very private, not very willing to put myself out there unless I have a defined role, like instructor or tutor. I need to have a clear set of rules to dictate my behavior. Otherwise, I get into trouble.

People scare me. My feelings are hurt very easily. Hypersensitivity can be a part of clinical depression. On good days, I can control it. On other days, I try to keep my mouth shut and stay away from others. Keeping my mouth shut is the hard part. I guess that’s the ADHD component of my problems. I have difficulty with stopping to think before saying or doing anything.

My value for honesty often comes across as harsh criticism because tact is not my strong point. I am judgemental, and I don’t really try to hide it. That comes across as a “superiority complex.”

So…can I blame my personality on chronic depression, or would I have been a jerk regardless?